This is how to enjoy every moment in life.

Posted by Balphazar on May 2, 2013
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After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Walmart. Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women – she loves to browse.

Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the local Walmart

Dear Mrs. Woolf,

Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Woolf, are listed below and are “documented by our video surveillance cameras”:

1. June 15: He took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people’s carts when they weren’t looking.

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-
minute intervals.

3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the
women’s restroom.

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official
voice, ‘Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away’. This caused the
employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn resulted in management getting involved causing management to lose time and costing the company money.

5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to reserve a bag of
chips.

6. August 14: Moved a ‘CAUTION – WET FLOOR’ sign to a carpeted area.

7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the
children shoppers they could come in if they would bring pillows and
blankets from the bedding department – to which twenty children
obliged.

8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began
crying and screamed, ‘Why can’t you people just leave me alone?’
Emergency Medics were called.

9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.

10. September 10: While handling guns in the Sports department, he
asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.

11. October 3: Darted around the Store suspiciously while loudly
humming the ‘ Mission Impossible’ theme.

12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his ‘Madonna look’ by using different sizes of funnels.

13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed
through, yelled ‘PICK ME! PICK ME!’

14. October 22: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed the fetal position and screamed ‘OH NO! IT’S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!

15. Took a box of condoms to the checkout clerk and asked where the fitting room was.

And last, but not least:

16. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited
awhile, and then yelled very loudly, ‘Hey! There’s no toilet paper in
here.’ One of the Staff passed out.

Just wanna skin this ass-wipe alive.

Posted by Balphazar on January 9, 2013
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Hey all!

Balphy here and wanted to just give you an update on stuff happening in my life right now. Its been very frustrating and its just one thing after another right now but as with anything life goes on. Just taking it one day at a time.

I got my hours cut and instead of working 5 days a week I’m down to 3.. yea.. that sucks major ass.. but I’m pulling through. lets see what life has in store. But what has pissed me off even more than that is this fucking white piece of trash who goes by the name of Gene. 

Yes he is trash. This little kid is my girlfriend’s ex and is a creeper to say in the least.. he also has major issues to the point where he is stalking my girl and taking over her online profiles and accounts and stuff. I’m to the point where if the police don’t do anything about him I will. Talk about talking to your girl on Skype and then her Skype shuts down randomly only to come back on as this fat, hairy son of a bitch on the screen.

UGH! Seriously this jealous piece of shit needs to back off and mind his own damn business or so help me God I will make him wish he died.

Spoke with Xbox/microsoft about the issue and hopefully this gets resolved in the next 3-4 days.

On the bright side I got a new router :D Yay!

A new look. A new horizon.

Posted by Balphazar on January 1, 2013
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Hey all!

Damn a year has gone by already. So much has gone by and all things considered 2012 has been very interesting indeed. Ill try to recap what happened in 2012 for me and lets see if I can pave myself a path for a more interesting and adventurous future. So many things have happened and I dont know where to start. 

Lets start with gaming after all I am a big gamer and gaming is an integral part of my life. I started out in KSI a community of gamers on xbox. It was fun. In KSI I was on the board and ran many departments and headed many projects like the dept. of education, Human Resource, The courts, The A/V team just to mention a few. Around August I had a falling out with other members of the board and so I left and revamped my own community call Gamerz Dynasty. We are a small community looking to grow and hopefully be something other gamers would look to join. 

Many games were released. A few that were immensely satisfying and a few that were just so bad. For example Halo 4, Borderlands 2 and Hitman are just a few to mention that were beyond amazing. I think the most disappointing game for me was Assassins Creed 3.

In my own personal life many changes have happened. First and foremost Ill mention that I think I may have found the love of my life. That one person that I can see myself spending eternity with. Why her? if there was a few reasons id detail them but Ill try my best to tell you why her. But before that let me just preface by saying that I am one that is very hard to impress and due to my past experiences in relationships I have been inclined to stay single.  But then she came along. I kid you not when I say that she had me falling for her and getting more and more intrigued by her by the second when we started talking and I didnt even realize it. Off the bat she could see pass my masks and walls and was awed at what she saw behind the veil. But best of all is that unlike most people she didnt try to break down my walls and defenses. Instead she snuck in through the back door and into my heart without even alerting me. Her personality is just simply amazing. Her sheer presence puts a smile on my face. Her smiles make my heart flutter and her laughs just make me want to hold her for eternity. So for the next year I aim to actually hold her in my arms and make her mine for real.

Im an optimist but a realist at the same time so I do have a few words Id like to part with. Many atrocities have happened in the past years and so Ill say that please cherish the moments you have because you never know when something may happen. Dont live with regrets and what ifs. go get what you want. Dont sit back and let opportunities fly by because living in regret will get you nowhere. Enjoy life. It is actually very easy. Find joys in the simple pleasures of life. And best of all leave a mark on the world of who you are in the hearts of others. Show the world what you are capable of because your life may fade away and your name may be forgotten but what you teach others will live on for eternity to come.

I wonder about this world sometimes.

Posted by Balphazar on December 26, 2012
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Hello sirs and ma’ams and all you inbetweeners! 

Firstly a little update on my own personal life:

1. I relaunched my gaming community called Gamerz Dynasty in September. I have been working hard on the website and the gaming side for a couple months now and things are coming along fairly nicely. Still working on content for the site but till then lets see. what happens.

2. I met a girl. She is an amazing girl. The first person to actually see right through me to my core and love me for what she saw. Ill do an entire blog to her if anyone is interested later.

3. I got a job at Gamestop. Great place to work at! and Perks are effing awesome!

Now as for me Im going to start doing this every night. Its interesting what one can write about if they just go through their everyday life. Ill make this an online diary or a compilation of events of my life so that maybe one day I can look back at this and laugh and show my kids what their dad was upto when he was growing up.

Also there will always be a little gaming blurb as to what Im gaming and what I think of it.

Currently I picked up XCOM. let me just say that I rarely play RTS games. I have played a few in the past like command and Conquer or Halo wars and such but this plays like chess and I love chess. The story is very plain. Aliens invade earth. You are the commander tasked with killing them. that’s it. But its not about the story line. Its about playing the game. 

They say music can alter moods and talk to you
Well can it load a gun up for you , and cock it too
Well if it can, then the next time you assault a dude
Just tell the judge it was my fault and i’ll get sued
See what these kids do is hear about us totin’ pistols
And they want to get one cause they think the shit’s cool
Not knowin’ we really just protectin’ ourselves, we entertainers
Of course the shit’s affectin’ our sales, you ignoramus
But music is reflection of self, we just explain it, and then we get our
checks in the mail

- Eminem (Sing for a moment)

Recently the nation has been in uproar due to the shooting that took place at a school where a person massacred some children and then offed himself. What I have to say in this matter may appear fucked up to you and you might lose respect for me. Personally speaking these blogs are my thoughts and so if you are reading and dont like what I say stop being a little prick like online gamers and just exit out. You are not being forced to read any of this.

We live in a time where its just you against the world. No one really cares who falls and who gets up as long as there is something in it for them. Its all about self preservation. Family members will stab each other in the back to gain a few coins the other has. Or gain some fame so their names last forever in history and hence their families will have a legacy. We live in a world where being sexually explicit on the internet with no physical contact with a minor will get you a harsher sentence than a pedophile who uses and abuses children for their own pleasures. We are part of a society where we have become so self conscious that  we get offended by the slightest truths. The western society has become so poisonous that moral values and decency have been chucked out in the name of Freedom. What kind of freedom do you exercise that harms those around you. 

Lets just take the Freedom of speech for example. Do you know why it was given by our government so that if they stepped out of line in governing its people you had the right to say so and put it in its place. A government by the people for the people. But in today’s culture it s not just okay but applauded to use to spread lies and public humiliation of others. In the name of freedom of speech the media of today has corrupted the minds of our future and made them afraid of simple things as playing outside  and filled their minds with such hatred and utter stupidity that its almost a wonder that they can be accepted as part of society.

So I say to you oh shooter who massacred all those children thank you. Im sure the parents and family will grieve but Id be more heart broken when my own kids who I raise just leave me and forget about me in an old folks home because that is what today’s society says is the right thing to do. Those children are better off in heaven with God. I bet they look down on us and laugh at our pathetic lives.

What is love?

Posted by Balphazar on October 4, 2012
Posted in: Blogz for thought, Relationships. Tagged: , , , , , . Leave a Comment

Hey all!

Its 5:36 in the morning and I’ve finally gotten around to writing another one of my meaningless meaningful thoughts. As most of you already know Im a single guy. Life as a single guy is very simple and straight forward bogged down only by the drama of work and the friends he hangs out with. The past couple weeks have been very interesting for me and as such my thoughts have been contemplating on this subject.

So my question to all of you readers is simple and yet one of the greatest mysteries of life. What is love? the short answer is that it is an immense feeling of purpose and belonging to a person or thing. Before we go further into the meaning and definition of love let me tell you why I am asking this and a few questions pertaining to this very subject of love.

At the age of 12 a great incident took place in my life that caused me to examine myself for the first time and give myself a stern personality makeover. What I did was beat my brother half to death. So much so that he was hospitalized for a couple weeks so that his bones could be repaired. It is safe to assume that I had anger management issues. I guess I get that from my dad’s side of the family. But I dont buy into that. Where it may be true that there are certain impulses that run in certain families and dare not subject myself to the notion that one cannot control onself. After all we are the human race and we did not make it to the top of the food chain by being cumpulsive. No. We are more rational than that.

One would expect that my parents would have beat the living hell out of me and/or disowned me after that. Alas such was not the case. My mother sat me down shortly after and spoke to me very softly but seriously. She spoke to me as a mother with love and affection for her child and I paid attention. It was one of the few words of wisdom she told me or steered me to that I have thus constructed my life to revolve around. She told me if I understood what I had done to my brother. I replied yes. And then she said a simple self reflecting question. A thought provoking conundrum if you will. She asked me simply “Can you imagine if that was your son in there and due to your anger he ended up in a hospital because of you?” After that day I have not had an episode where I have lost control of my anger to that extent.

How did I manage to do that you may ask. Well the short answer is that I employed the philosophy of mind over matter. When surges of emotions overpower you, the mind is rarely able to make sound decisions. One of my biggest flaws was anger and thus I had to gain control over it fast. So I started observing myself and quantifying myself and my behaviour. This lead to me laughing at certain things in life that previously would make me furious towards others.

As you are reading this you might be thinking well what does my anger have to do with the question what is love? The thing is ever since the age of 12 I have been observing myself and also others. Quantifying emotions to the point that they can be represented as concious decisions and rational. one may see that as a positive thing. It is a great way to gain control over one’s life but the down side is just as costly. One cannot connect on an emotional level with people. So for those of you who are in loving and working relationships try your hands at this. What is love? How do you define love? Is love just an emotion or feeling? if so then how is love just enough for you? People say that when you love someone you love them unconditionally. How do you fall in love to that extent with someone? I understand that these are hard questions and honestly I dont expect many or any replies but if you are so bold or you have an answer for me Ill be happy to read them. 

Religion vs God

Posted by Balphazar on March 23, 2012
Posted in: Blogz for thought. Leave a Comment

Hello internutterz and residents of webville!

How are you all today? I was inspired to write today’s little blog after listening to a few comedians and it sparked a new energy. Lets talk theology.

The main topic at hand is Religion vs God. If you look in today’s day and age this seems to be one of the most conversational and controversial topic being discussed. Whether you are a Muslim, Christian or Jew, white, black or yellow it doesn’t matter because this is a discussion of the minds.

So let me start with my concept of God and how it ties into religion. God exists. He is everywhere and the cause of everything. Whether you agree with what and how he does things that is irrelevant. He does things for the best interest of everything. Not everything in respect to individuals but everything in terms of the big picture. Religion is how you get to know or try to understand your God and his accomplishments and his future plans for everything. Religion is one of God’s way of communicating his expectations from us.

God has enabled us with the gift of freedom. But freedom isn’t this awe inspiring concept filled with rainbows and ponies. But with freedom comes a heavy price. What is the price? The price is our choices. Whether you make the right choice is all perspective. I’m not talking choice of whose side are you on but choice of how you want to live your life.

Today however the concept of religion has changed from how to please your God and understand Him to how can I get into heaven and what’s the shortest most comfortable way to get there and what can God do for me so I can be happy. As the ages go on the human species has gotten more and more selfish motivated solely in pursuing goals and ideals that benefits only oneself. Due to this very reason there is corruption in even the purest of things that is religion.

Well if God is all powerful and so mighty with the ability to do anything why doesn’t he just change it? Firstly let me just say that God created us. Thus we need him and not the other way round. That being said I would also iterate that God is most wise. There is always an agenda of His in play. Whether you see the bigger picture is irrelevant. You can complain why God isn’t making your life easier all you like but that’s not how it works. Remember that God has given us the Freedom of Choice. if you ask for more wealth he isn’t going to just send you a fortune in the mail but rather give you the opportunity to get wealthy. Because Man has the capacity to learn and excel he is considered Gods greatest creation. That’s what it means to be created in God’s image. Not that we have the ability to become God but rather we can perfect and portray God. just as an image is just the cover to what the real thing looks like and establishes a first impression of things so to is Man an image of God built to show His might and Majesty.

There are many discussions concerning which prophet is true and which is better. These are petty things to squable about. What we should be concerning ourselves with is what is the message that these prophets have brought and did you get it? The core teachings and wisdom is the same across all religions and theologies. why do we then fight over who is better and superior when the beliefs are the same? The only thing of any difference would be which area the message came from and how to go about supplicating to your God. why is the method superseding the worship and belief?

So enough about my opinion. let me hear your thoughts on the subject.

A Poem about you

Posted by Balphazar on September 25, 2011
Posted in: Blogz for thought, Relationships. 1 comment

Everyone, sooner or later, looks to find that special someone who can fill the void. Fill that feeling of lonliness and darkness that creeps up when you least expect it. As each day passes regret fills you up about those past relationships you have had and wished you had had. Maybe if you had done things differently you might be happy. Its better to have never loved than to have love and it gets taken away.

*le sigh* so many things go into making a relationship work. As a guy not only do you have to be the one to make your love happy but you cannot rely solely on her to make you happy. I wish women would get it through their heads that they arent always right.

“Us men can never win an argument against women. Its because we have a handicap. The thing is that we need things to make sense and seem logical. Women dont let such petty things like sense and logic get in their way” – Chris Rock.

Just a piece of advice to all you heartbroken and lonley people: there is no point in dwelving in the past. There isnt anything that you could have done to prevent the reltionship from ending. Realise that you could only go so far and if the other isnt trying to make things work out then the reltionship is bound for failure. Be proud of yourself of who you are. Obviously you have faults. Know them and try to overcome them. Your true life partner will not only accept your faults but also try and help you overcome them.