Yea this is just another spam blog or rant on bullshit in my life. I couldn’t sleep last night even after venting through blogging. Music calmed me down a bit but still no sleep. I picked up the courage to confront her about the issue and it went exactly as I had thought it would.
Sigh. I really hate everything right now. Why did I have to pick her? Ughhh! I just wanna smash something to bits! This is so frustrating! “I’m sorry baby I just can’t play Black Ops with you. I have a 4.0 win/loss ratio and I need to get that up” so what! How the fuck is that more important than spending time with me?????!!!!
I know that if I was there with her physically I wouldn’t be feeling like this at all. But I am not. Sigh.
So ill just remove her frok my xbl friends list like I do every asshole and bitch that starts bullshit with me and brings unnecessary drama in my life. Ill just pretend like she doesn’t exist and wait till I visit her.
She never does anything for me. Ever. Never takes time to just talk with me. Never takes time to melt my heart. Nothing. Its just so fucking frustrating that I do all this to keep her happy and get nothing in return. Why did I have to get this? Why? I am a fucking amazing guy and I don’t deserve this bullshit!
But I won’t break up because I know that the wait will be worth it. But now this option is on the table that she starts this kind of bullshit in real life and she can go find someone else. They say love is hard to come by. I disagree. A great guy like me is hard to come by. If you are reading this Nicole I’m letting you know now, you screw up even once when we live together and I’m kicking you out. No questions. You can be on your fucking way and ill be on mine.
I can get any woman I choose and you should be happy that I chose you. Yet I get treated like I don’t exist just because I’m not near you. I get ignored just because I’m not physically there. Do you know that you are on my mind every waking our of my life? Do you know that I am constantly thinking of ways to keep you smiling? Do you know that your happiness means the world to me? Then why the fuck don’t I get the same treatment? Why the fuck am I the only one trying to keep my lover happy? How come you can’t take a few minutes out of your oh so busy video game life to cheer me up? I know what your response is “just call me up baby. We will talk.” Talk? I’m done talking. We talk all the time according to you. But unfortunately that’s not the case. This is what we really do:
You go to work. We have a 3 min conversation during your ride to work. I call you when you are at home but its usually as an interuption when you play video games. I don’t want to be a bother in your life. I don’t want to intrude and take you away from what you are doing. Why is it that you can’t make time for me?
When I said that we don’t do anything together you asked what we can do. How about play video games? Well I know the answer to that. No. Why? Cuz you are always fucking playing balck ops and you are too good for me to play black ops. Sigh. How about something else? I don’t know? Watch a movie? Text each other? When was the last time you actually flirted with me? Or tried to turn me on? Or get naughty with me? What happened to the Nicole I fell in love with? Oh I know she is too busy for the man who is to be her husband. She doesn’t care about him enough to spend some time with him. Her time is too fucking precious.
All we talk about is what bills we have to pay and how I can help you stand on your feet. How would you like it if all I called you for was money and just ignored you the rest of the time? Or every once in a while I just sent you a text and stopped in mid text conversation?
This is the same reason I broke up last time. But I’m not breaking up this time for any reason. Though how I feel about you and my willingness to help you will change. Maybe I should just get a girl on the side who will keep me happy till the time I visit and we get married. At least she will have time for me. Maybe this matters to you. Maybe it doesn’t. But it does to me.
I do love you sweetheart with all my heart but sometimes you make me wonder if the feeling is or isn’t mutual.